I'll tear your heartstrings out & put them on my guitar
Forth time blogging this. -.-

Prunella I didn't forget you & I'm home :) Let me know when we're hanging out okay!
Shuhui Woman Sg also have laaaaaa okay! Haha make me run around to look for one pathetic maggi mee.
Cam Hello ahlian :)
Mingxian Haha I'm hoping you'd reply me yeah. Hha your tag very cute la.
Mary Yeap relink soon!
Graceyeoh You tagged the most babes. Haha miss you laaaa. I like talking to you Grace. Thanks for that talk that whole afternoon cum night :) I planned to chnage my url every year, like a new beginning. I wanna change my url to heartbreakhotel. Ok I have a lot of usernames in mind la. Hahah talk to you soon!
April I'm home :) Quick come online!
Nat Ahhh I did miss you okay nat ): Hands Down played in my iPod & *snap* Nat appeared in my mind. Hahah :)
Ctee I'll tell you when you come online.
Yifang Pigo. ): They were selling @ 60!!!! I didn't buy okay 'cos your budget & everything!! Ugh & then, my dad said if it costs about like 40-50, he'd pay the extras for you but it's crazy 60 so he said better not. Gosh I regret. Omg I'm so sorry babes ):
Alethia I'm home!
Jyi I'm home! :D
Sass Yay we're hanging out soon :D
Connie Sure, relink soon!
Joyce Haha thanks. You too, happy holidays!
Sylvia Welcome babes :)
Amy I'll give you the codes. Erm, add me online? :)
Cyn WHERE YOU GOING ): ): ):
Brenda Here here! Hahah :)
Wenna Blogging. :) I didn't know you'd read!
Jasmine Why not just edit the picture? Haha.

Thanks for commenting (:
Yayness 31 comments.

I'm home babies :) Miss me?!
-runs around

Short update. Sorry babes I'm still uploading my pictures. There's like 500 of them!

I'll just jot down whatever comes to my mind allright (I'm rushing for time!)

• Korea was pretty, cold & the trip sucks.
• I can't stand you, you & you. So shut up & stop thinking that you can rule my life.
• I started work immediately this Monday. Was quite allright though :)
• Qiaos called once I got home that night :) Miss you bestfriend!
• Sass said we're hanging out soon :)
• My com's gonna go to the hospital pretty soon, I feel. ):
• Godma's giving me her com!
• I'm getting Samsung's red laptop :D But that is if my N's results are good.
• I miss so&so. A lot. -looks @ Ctee
• And shit I think Ctee got some bad news about so&so. -cries
• Yeah & it's really bad news. :)
• Grace, Pru, April. I guess everything has come to an end & I'm moving on. Y'all will know what I mean. Come online, I'll show y'all something.
• Pam & I talked about the trip last night at the hospital. Teared a little & I guess, I am gonna let it go & get used to it.
• Thanks Pam, anyway
• & I don't have the mood to blog anymore.
• Still trying not to cry.
  
• Ah bye, I'm heading out.
  

I'm not o-fucking-kay.
Thank you for breaking my heart again today. Thank you for smashing my hopes. Thank you for giving me false hopes. Thank you for telling me that you do miss me at times. Thank you for making me falling in love with you over & over again.

I never thought you'd be mine, & you'd never, ever.

How can I not miss you when you're gone?
<3.

12:34 PM
Mend this broken thing./
( )
You're gonna miss me when I'm gone
Sauyan Haha allrighty thanks! I'll let my cousin know :D
Caroline Hey sorry I forgot to text you! You idiot, online but not replying ): I know, Rain right? Hahah
Sylvia No problem dear. :) I'll link you up soon!

Thanks for commenting!
(:

I'm trying to be excited about the trip.
I'm pretending to be so happy. -slaps

Talking to Prunella online now (: Gosh I really pity her. But I know it feels like. I understand why she does that to keep them. ): I feel so sad & lost for her please. But I can't believe that she's actually ________ & she had a ___________!! ): Gosh poor thing.




Right few hours before I leave, one last entry before I go. I'm gonna put up archives in my old blog after this. I just edited that photo of Bestaye & I. Kinda miss her though ): Haven't been talking to her & she's like MIA-ed. I'm thinking of new url! :D Any suggestions are welcomed, into the Haloscan! :D

I was on the phone last night 'til around 3am. _ fell asleep on me but it's okay. I know she's goddamned tired & uhhh refused to admit it. Haha, I was saying anything important anyway. Things that I want to tell her for the next eight days have already been said before she fell asleep. Thank God.

Zel is crazy again. She's watching High School Musical now, omg this is like the 65654867864663th time already! She can even tell me what the characters say & everything. Her friend got her hooked on Ashlee Simpson's Pieces Of Me & I hear that almost every morning -.- That is such an old song luh.

Oh by the way I'd be leaving my phone on (: Haha then I'd still be able to receive messages & miss calls. Aiya I know I won't be able to reply instantly but still! I can read when I come back! :D So yes, leave me messages if you like!


Everything you do makes me realised how much I loved you.
P/s: I'm sorry if your picture is taken k. Hahah.
Remember we used to like that too? I miss the way we used to cuddle.
Whoohoo I'm bored. Hahah.

Shoutouts.
April, thanks for cheering up & all :) Take care of yourself & remember what I said okay? I'll miss you! Remember to comment as you promised okay!
Brenda, thanks for the animation! :D Haha we'll crap again with Cam allright! Have fun at the Blogskinners outing this week! Tell me allllll about it when I'm back!
Cam! Hahah eUu iiSh a arHliiAn w0rhhs. wE iiSh gUdx fReNz n3hhs. k@w@!i. Takecare & I will miss you allrighty. :)
Carol, I'll talk to you when I'm back okay? Meanwhile, take care of yourself!
Ctee, I need to update you backside! ): Sadder news now. When I come back okayokay!
Grace! :D Thanks for the talk last night though everything was really rush. I really hope (inserts)! But I don't know if it'd happen though. I'll text you later, before I leave my place allright.
Jovene, ay if the salesgirl call you to go for interview must wait for me hor! Haha tell them I'm not in town allright. When I'm back, we'll go for the interview together :D Yay love you Jov!
Mainey, I think I'll call you when I'm back okay. Then perhaps we can meet up or something. *hugs I hope everything's fine now.
Shuhui, I try to find your instant noodles luh okay. I think my mom will kill me if she knows I want to buy them back & if I get caught at the customs, I will slaughter you. Hahahahahaha.
Yifang, I will find your album, don't worry! :D Heh.
Most importantly: Qiaos, Sass, Nette, Shantal, Chanel, Yj, Shijing, Trish & Xw. :)
Take care of yourselves when I'm away okay! :D I'll see y'all again when I come back. I'll see what I can bring back for you, esp Yj. Overdued kimchi ok? Haha! Love yoooooooooooooooooooou! :D
I. Will. Miss. You. The Most. Though I know you won't even think of me. Take care of yourself & remember never to overwork yourself.


I'd like to come home with lots of comments on the Haloscan & messages in my phone to read & reply! :D
Yay gotta go bye!

2:02 PM
Mend this broken thing./
( )
Cause I know that you're in between arms somewhere next to heartbeats
April Thanks a lot love. You helped a little but I got worse when I went offline. Cried throughout the night. ):
Mary Haha it's damn early for me too ): I hate waking up early, seriously. Well, who doesn't! You take care too :)
Graceyeoh She's hell strong unlike this idiot, me. I wanna ask her a lot of things but I don't wanna rub against her wound. I know it has been tough on her trying to get over her dad's death. I'm calling you after I go offline, after the whole family sleep :D It's safer, yknow why? My sister would irritate me, my parents would come in & out of the room to check who I'm talking to. Ugh
Wenna Thanks, you take care too!
Amanda Hey mandaaaaa (:
Yifang I try la okay 'cos I'll be with tour so I don't know how much time I'm given to look for the aldum but I'd give it my best shot :)
Cam I just got countless cyber hugs & kisses from you :D -runs around you
Shuhui Okayokay I will :)
Alethia Hello!

Thanks for commenting!
(:

I'm not really in the mood but I just thought I'd blog & blah everything here & I'd feel better.

So I cried throughout the night over two unhappy issues. First was, ______ _____ __ ____ ________. Second was, I drove her away, again. Not the first time anyway but this time was different.

Got up at 11am, thinking it was 9 plus in the morning ): Rahhh so I went to washed up, watched teevee & had breakfast. Showered, teared a little & went to work. Didn't do much though. Just used the laptop, burn cds & made a video :D

Around three plus, Jason came & I left with Sally & Rhys to go to Rhys' school for PTM (: St Micheal's is so greeeeeeeeeen. After we're done, we walked over to United Square & ate Ben&Jerry's! :D Yumyum chocolate fudge brownie! -beams! Went to Toys'r'us, walked around. Sally wanted to buy the ATM machine for Nat but couldn't find. I still remember Sauyan just got it not long ago, don't know why cannot find. K then after that we went over to Novena Square. Walked around & went to Junior De Artist. Sally said she'll try getting me a part time job there! :D Yay then I can teach kids! (Kakaka when I run out of paitence, I'll just *bish* the kid. Wahahah! Nono, go buy another bag of paitence!) Left at 0630pm. I was so tempted to cab home, so tempted. I was already falling asleep when we were at Junior De Artist. But I don't wanna waste my money ): So I took train home. Thank God there were seats man.

And in the train, the woman beside me has got strong body odour like she hasn't scrubbed her armpits for years. The thing is, she keep lifting her hands up. -slaps forehead. The smell made my head worse. The girl in front of me was playing racing with her phone & her mouth wide open(I seriously hope flies fly in) & the damn racing sound is damn loud. She can't hear them 'cos she has her earphones on. The pregnant woman who has a kid with her is constantly talking loudly IN CHINESE like the fucking train only contains them. This guy has his ringtone like some fire alarm & it rings once in 5 minutes. Gosh it irritates me BAD! Wahkao this has to happen on a day when my iPod's battery goes reddddd ): Buay tahan(quoted from Xav-ie poo!).

Went home, & went straight to bed. Haha slept for awhile & went for dinner. Came home, watched a little of teevee & came online! :D Gonna go call Gracieeeeeeeeee :)

I'm leaving tmr, at 1am ):
& I'd like to come back with a lot of comments to read & reply ! :D
Maybe I'll blog again tmr. :)
Goodnight everyone!

I'm thinking it must be l♥ve.
<3.

11:11 PM
Mend this broken thing./
( )
Stay up all night & feel your heart beat close to mine
Prunella Thanks a lot babes. I'm excited about XXX :) Yayness
April No problems honey (: I'm always here whenever you need me allright? [:
Graceyeoh No worries babe. I'm gonna be fine soon okay :) I've a lot to tell you!
Yifang I've printed the picture & it's in my luggage now :D Who knows, with such a genius like me, I'd find the album? :) Haha!
Jo Haha thanks :)
JoveneL Thanks a lot Jov. You made me feel a lot better la okay! :D Haha you look better in the photos than I did! More camwhoring sessions (: With Shar of course!
Mary Hey sexy!
Nat TSK YOU SUCK MORE OKAY ):
Ctee Omg Ctee I smack you ah! Haha happy panty :D

Thanks for commenting (:
-

You're my sweet sweet thing on top of everything <3.
Thank you :)

http://-evenstar-.blogspot.com
I read her, Mingxian's latest entry about her dad's 100th day of passing. My heart feels as though someone just cracked my ribs & squeezed my heart really tightly. I started crying, right up 'til now. She's really strong, unlike me. I don't know how to handle it, still.

I shouldn't affect everyone who's reading my blog with my feelings, uh huh & I should sound happy :D

Okay so I woke up today @ 0830am. Went back to sleep again & woke up @ 10am. Washed up, had breakfast & took a bus to Godma's place. Made a video there! She's gonna gimme her com, yayness. :D She said she doesn't need it. Zel & I surprised her with the cake & presents. Haha she knew we had something but not sure if her sixth sense was right. Yay didn't do much luh.

Met Sally at Kovan. Passed her the things & went walking around for awhile. Godma left after she got her stuff. Bought a pair of jeans! :D Satisfied! I've been looking for one. Went to Popular & Sally got her things. Left once she got her stuff. Went to the washroom before we left. Zel's ezlink card's at home so I got her a standard ticket. She was fucking singing throughout the whole time, gosh. Went to Popular & got Zel's books & went home. Skipped dinner & came online. No appetite.

I'm crying like a mad fool.
-looks @ April.

We were a love that everyone dreamt about.
You know.. I desperately want to tell you that I miss you. I am so afraid you'd run away, you wouldn't treat me the way you did yesterday. I wanna ask if what you said yesterday was from the bottom of your heart. Don't I always need you around? But this time I need you more than anything else. ): ): ):

No mood to blog anymore. I need to call someone now. Fuck

But you're gone & starting new beginnings.
<3.

10:22 PM
Mend this broken thing./
( )
My heart is shot full of holes from mistakes made in the past
Cam Haha I love you too! :D
Alethia Thanks dearie :)
Yifang Haha I forget to print the picture yknow! Okay I know if I didn't manage to get it, you're gonna kill me for sure. So I better get it printed. Haha!
Michelle Ha thanks a lot (:
Graceyeoh Yeapyeap I'll text you before I go allright, & maybe I'll call you when I'm back? Hahah :) I'll see you once I'm back okay! Quick set a date with Phy first!
Wanyee Thanks a lot :) You cheer up too!
Mandy Hey thanks for dropping by. You take care :)
April Thanks a lot honey. I hope you like those songs!
Jo Yes I am :) Thanks a lot! Mm don't mind, leave your url allright :)
Rena Thanks love! (:

Thanks for commenting!
Thanks for all the cheering up, really sweet yes!

I wish I could have seen her leaving,
Wish I could have held her hand
I wish I could have seen her leaving,
Wish someone would understand
Merlene *asks doctor about Godpa's condition*
Doctor *shakes head*
): ): ):

It shot through my heart when I heard that from 2nd Aunt. She went to visit him in the hospital today & his condition didn't approve, it became worse. I wanted to tear so badly right that moment but I thought I had to be strong. 2nd Aunt cried & I was at a loss of words. I wanted so much to comfort her but I don't know how. Now Godpa could barely talk.. Godma cried her eyes out, now they look really swollen.

Godpa reprimands Godma all the time, for the tiniest thing on Earth. Not only on Godma though, on Keith too. But two nights ago, he asked Godma to go home with all of us so that she wouldn't be alone. I wasn't there to witness this but I heard it, & I felt so softened. He had never been so nice to her before. Keith went to 2nd Aunt's room when he came by for Allan's wedding two weekends ago. He saw this glass deco thingy & he really liked it. Godpa just went 'Go get it, ask Auntie where she get it then go get it la since you like it'. He's a man with big ego & damn MCP, like Grandpa. But he loves his wife & son.

Keith is the nicest son I've ever came across. 2nd Aunt asked if Godpa & Keith are close, & she said they are. Keith isn't his son. Godma was divorced with a child(Keith) & remarried to Godpa. Keith would make time for him. He'd spend his whole afternoon at home with his dad, just talk, have tea, enjoy each other's company & watch teevee. I envy that. Keith, a son, a man, a male. Right now, which son would do that?

I went to work yesterday. 2nd Uncle fetched Sally & I back. Dropped Sally @ Boon Keng & we went back to Jalan Songket. Watched Pearlyn's graduation disc. She looked really cute luh :) Val & Allan came back first. Natalyn did really well for her exams. 3 Band2, 1 Band1. Allan & Val went to see her teacher yesterday & her teacher just went 'Okay Nat. I have no complains about her but just one thing. She did really well this time & I am so impressed. Keep up the good work'. That sent the whole family smiling away, forgetting about what had happened last afternoon. Auntie Helen, Uncle Allan came, mom & dad came. Had dinner. Allan went for some PAP meeting after dinner. Auntie Helen, Uncle Allan & 2nd Uncle went to visit Godpa. Val, Dad, mom, 2nd Aunt & I sat at the living room. Talked 'til 2nd Uncle came back. Left after awhile.

Went home, showered & watched teevee. _ called at around 11plus going 12am. Told her everything & cried. Felt a little better so I went to sleep at 0130am.

Meeting Jovene in an hours' time. :) I hope that'd lighten me up a little.

I got Allan's wedding photos developed! Thanks to Pam :) K I'm going off, feeling kinda sick.

Thanks for loving me so much even though you don't get as much of loving back from me. I'm thankful to have you around.

Edited
Hello I'm back from shopping with Jovene :) It's spelt lovely all over. She made me feel a little lighter though at the back of my mind, that issue is still there.

Left the house @ 1pm. Took a train down to Dhoby Ghaut. Sat there & waited 'til around 0145pm then took a train down to Orchard. Saw Akina, Beatrice & her group of friends in the train! Miss Jovene Lim was late for 22minutes. Haha but she apologised! So it's okay :) Hah k then we went to Wisma. Walked around in Topshop, didn't get anything though. Jovene was looking for a tube. We walked over to Fareast. Stopped by at Lido's Mango. Walked around like idiots, up & down. Jovene finally decides to get the (very pretty I choose one hor) brown dress & black pumps! :D I've got the exact same one but mine is white. I like the red polka dots dress! I've been looking for it la okay. Oh Jov & I found a job but still waiting for them to call us. Age range is 18 & above but the salesgirl just wrote our names & contact number :) That salesgirl's really pretty!

After that we went to Cine. Saw NatLim @ Rocky's! Omg bitch I miss you la! Ate Kobayashi :D Yumyum. Sat there, talked & stuff. Someone came over to collect Surge@MoS tix from Jovene. I'm gonna help her sell the tix! :D Yay. Walked around after that, then went to Rocky's. Sat around, talked. Camwhored on the way to MRT :) That sweetie walked me to the train station! She could've taken a shorter route but she's nice! :D

K photos.









Oh & I think I saw Beatrice Ong & Regina Ng today.

Thanks Xav for being nicer to me & wanting to be there & three cyber hugs(Which are gonna be real the next time I meet you & readers are my witnesses) :D Next time when I need you, I will bu ke qi call you okay :) & I hereby promise you!(Readers, you're the witness) I'll make your 19th/20th/21st(even your 90th haha) birthday a best, most memorable, perfect & only-once-in-a-lifetime birthday for you. That is if you allow me to are the unspoken words floating in the air. K serious now, thanks a lot Xav. I'd crash your lectures if you allow me to :) Then I'd accompany you! Wahlau I tell you ah, tsktsk *shakes head* your day with me would be purrrrfect! Hahaha ay esp the one with the pretty lecturer! :D:D K alllll the best for your next test!
Thanks Cam for two cyber kisses & a cyber hug! Aw I feel so loved by you okay! :D

I texted _ while waiting for Jovene..
Me I will not be late anymore. I must try
She That's good. But I'll listen first. So when you're done with it, let me know.
Me Wei I'm serious! It shall be my new year resolution!
She Oh so it'll only start next year?
Me This yr I undergo training first then next year, I must be able to be on time :D K talk to you tonight, I know you're busy now.

Did I mentioned that Pearlyn Ang Lyn Ting was so sweetcuteadorable that day! She gave me a balloon flower & made me so happy!












Now it's by my bed now. I see it & I feel better. Oh & everybody I hereby announce that I forgave Xav already! She made me smile just now so I should just forgive her. Plus she had her punishment & she apologised about 3 times. She made me happy! So everyone, I'm forgiving! :D Haha.

P/s: Xavierlin, I want to see your pretty lecturer! :D
P/p/s: Jovenelim, we must camwhore again! I hope she calls us soon D:
P/p/p/s: Sharilyntan, there's bound to another time okay!
P/p/p/p/s: Have a great night everyone :)

:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
I wish I was like these all the time.
God did you listen to my prayers? ):
Edited

I'll guard this heart of yours.
<3.

12:35 PM
Mend this broken thing./
( )
You act like nothing happened; like no one's heart is getting torn out from inside
Prunella Haha thanks love! :D
JoveneL Hm Wednesday okay! I'll text you again to comfirm the time & place :D Yeh man, I kinda knew that she wouldn't come when she told me that she'll tell me agaihn. But it's okay luh. Maybe another time!
Graceyeoh Haha thank you!(Though I think I'm not pretty AT ALL) I'm leaving this Friday, 1am my dear! ): ): ): Why didn't your papers end earlierrrrrrrr! RAH!
Shuhui Huh I try la okay. I know SG have!
Natasha Haha thank you thank you!
Cam Blood will not pour from her eyes, her nose la! Haha!

Thanks for commenting!
(:

I wish there was something else that would make me feel better right now. Godpa got admitted into SGH last night & today, doctor discovered that another stroke is coming. I'm feeling scared. I haven't had enough time with him yet, I'm very scared. Godma cried over the phone when she talked to 2nd Aunt. I'm so scared. Merlene's working as a nurse in SGH so Sally called to ask her to double-check if it's true. She did & she said it is but not that bad yet & he'd be fine.

God I thought it must've been something wrong or bad that I've done that cause this heartache to lay here in my heart. Take all the good things I have in my life right now, any one of them(Which includes * & _), I'd trade them all for Godpa's health.

I don't know what to do now. I trembled upon hearing the news. On my way back to Aunt's place from work, I kept wondering 'What is it that I have done that caused this to happen? I hate to know that Godpa is suffering & because he is, Godma Laura suffers more. I need to repent.' I don't know.. I'm lost & I couldn't stop crying, my heart couldn't stop aching. I didn't have the appetite to eat either..

Dinner was quiet. All we could ever talk about was Godpa. It makes me feel even worse. Mom & dad just to SGH to visit him. I really hope everything goes well though ): ): ):

Morning was horrid. I woke up, went online. My maid called from Godma Sue's place saying that it's going to rain. So I went to bring the clothes in & close the windows, not fully though. After that, I went to shower & when I came out, the balcony was already flooding. Closed the windows tightly, took a cloth & cleaned up the place. Mom called & after we hang up, the electicity tripped(Is that how you call it?) & I called mom again. Fixed some stuff & okay, replied Val's mail. Dad came & he dropped me at Compass. Took a train & went to work. Busier today. Well, I like it better. Pearlyn was there to accompany me (: She really brighten up my day. Left @ 5pm, with Sally. That's when we found out about Godpa. Back to Aunt's place, showered & had dinner. Everyone rushed off to SGH. Dad drove us home & he left with Mom to the hospital.

Allan went to Suntec to see Mr President today & he was like, 'Ay.. How to tie tie ah?' & I gave him that Uh-I-don't-know look.

If you ripped something, I'd strongly suggest admit it. It's obvious, my dear. Don't act like you don't know it at all okay. Chillax Cam, I believe in Karma :)

Talking to Cam online right now. Thanks Ellis for the song!

Can't wait to meet Jovene this Wednesday!
Hopefully things would be better by then, then I'd be able to enjoy the day :)
K I'm off to watch teevee & deal with my eye, don't know what the fuck is wrong with it.

But emotions can't be put in reverse.
<3.

9:40 PM
Mend this broken thing./
( )
Someone please call a surgeon who can crack my ribs & repair this broken heart
Alethia Uh huh I love the song! :D Thanks a lot babes!
Jasminek I am not busy okay! Haha I'm online & I think you're not ):
Shuhui Huh SG don't have? K I try to help you find okay!
Rena Thanks for the song babes! :D
JoveneL Too much but what to do? Sigh. Huh then I don't want already. I'll get the book on my own. Gimme the title k babes! :D
Brenda Haha thanks for the animation!
April No worries babes! :D Haha I hope you like those songs yeh!

Thanks for commenting!
(:

Cam, Brenda & I were talking on MSN together. There's another blogskinners outing but I won't be able to go 'cos I'll be in Korea ): & I probably wouldn't go even if I'm in Sg 'cos I'm like the oldest idiot there. Perhaps with Pru. Haha but no eyecandy luh!

Photosphotosphotos!
From the wedding (:






































































the others! :D
This was really long ago

Thanks Bren!
It's a animation, click on it! Blogger is crazier than I am

She's damn cute!

Buddy <3
You've gotta click on it to view, Blogger is MAD.

I just edited these two :)


I've been home the whole day & watching the clock go tick-tock. :D Talking to April now. I'm damn tired.

Last night I had a instinct that something bad gonna happen. I want to go home but 'cos of the instinct I had, I didn't want to. Then I thought, if that's what God has already planned for me, I should face it. I would have to face it sooner or later so I went home. Instead of something bad, I think it was good. I got most of the songs I wanted & _ finally called. : ) Though the talk wasn't long, though we didn't talk much but I thought it was good enough. At least.. At least I get to hear her & she get to hear me for merely 15 minutes. I shan't complain.

I'll go do something else to make myself feel better.

A pale smile struggles behind tears.
<3.

3:41 PM
Mend this broken thing./
( )